He's Getting It

Elijah's communication skills have really been coming along.  We've been working with augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) devices for awhile now and he's getting it.  He's really getting it.

A huge motivator for our boy is going outside.  He LOVES to go outside.  I'm pretty sure he'd live out there if I let him.  He'd probably be raised by deer or a red fox or squirrels or rabbits or that other weird creature that I saw in our backyard (an otter, beaver, badger...apparently I need to go back to elementary school).  But, I'd miss him too much, so I make him live with us.  I'm mean like that. ;)

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah... Elijah constantly wants to go outside.  Awhile ago he started to ask us for things by directing us to what he wanted.  A huge step to be sure!  But now, Elijah is taking his communication to the next level.  He's using words.  No, not with his own voice, but with "talkers" we have placed in key areas of the house.

All of the talkers in our house have been loaned to us from the school district.  It's given Elijah a voice, where he was once silent.  We've seen a reduction in negative behaviors, which makes our life so much more pleasant.  And, yes, that might be a major understatement.

The following photos are a good illustration of his thought process.  We have a talker by our door that is connected to the laundry room which leads to the garage....which obviously leads to the glorious outdoors. First, he needs to locate his talker.

Then, he needs to ask his desired question by pushing his talker.  With this talker he says, "Can you open the door for me please?"

Then he immediately moves to the doorknob to show us what he desires.  It's pretty obvious he knows what he is saying. 

Next, he moves to the door that leads to the garage, grabs the doorknob and looks expectantly back at us (because we can't have talkers by every door of the house!).  He speaks a whole lot in that little glance: "Mom, can you open this door next?  Because I want to go OUTSIDE!!! Pleeeeeaaasseee?!"  It's quite the feat for a little dude who has had such a hard time looking at us throughout his life. And so, we put on our shoes and play to our hearts content because he asked so nicely.

His communication is so clear.  Do I wish he were able to verbalize these desires with his own mouth?  Absolutely.  It'd be so much easier not to have to figure out what the little guy wants to say so that we can give him the opportunities to say it.  Do I hope that he will one day be able to talk to us? Yep.  And I'm not giving up on that goal.  More importantly, though, is that Elijah is communicating.  It's a big deal.  It's like watching him take his first steps or hearing his first words.  They are his first words in a lot of ways.  He's quite articulate and polite don't you think? "Can you open the door for me please?" That's our boy. :)

He's getting it and I'm getting it too.   We're communicating and he knows it.  He's starting to expect that we hear him, even when he's not saying anything at all.  It's a glance, a tiny gesture, or the push of a talker.  It's a beautiful, wonderful, spectacular thing.

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Ordinary Days

Last night was a bit rough. Elijah was up every 30 minutes, sneezing and coughing. Eventually, at about 3 am I decided to bring him into bed with us. Normally, being in mom and dad's bed is too thrilling for Elijah. He'll look at the alarm clock, his monitor, or anything that emits light and laugh. Laughing isn't really conducive to sleeping. We learned long ago that sleeping with us just didn't work and we stopped bringing him in our room. A blessing, perhaps, to have our bed to ourselves. But last night was different. Elijah snuggled in laying on top of me (just like he used to when he was a baby), wiped his slime all over me, and went to sleep. He slept until the morning and we did too.

Whenever Elijah gets all snugly, I get nostalgic. I remember in these moments that this will all be over soon. Elijah will only be this little once. Someday soon he'll be too big to lay on top of me in our bed. He'll be too big for me to cradle in my arms. He'll be too big to pick up and rock. He's already getting too big.

Perhaps this is a lesson that has come slower to me than most parents because Elijah achieves milestones later than his neuro-typical peers. Sometimes it seems like we'll be stuck in a developmental stage forever. And then everything changes and I realize that soon he'll be a full-fledged boy, and teenager, and then adult. It'll be here sooner than I realize. I'd better soak it up, take it all in, and enjoy every single moment. Milestones or not, Elijah will get older. Things will change.

Elijah's babyness is pretty much gone. He's a toddler, a little boy - there really isn't much baby left in him. And I wish I'd have enjoyed the baby-Elijah more instead of worrying so much (something I hear a lot of other special needs parents say too). But what I can do is to enjoy him NOW - exactly as he is. I can enjoy each and every ordinary day we have. Because I'm sure my parents look at me, their youngest, and think "Where did the time go?" (Thanks for everything mom and dad!).

Ellen shared the following video on her blog and I wanted to share it here too. It's author Katrina Kenison reading from her book The Gift of an Ordinary Day (now I want to read it!). No, it's not about special needs and some of the things the author says won't be relatable to all parents. But I think the lesson is the same...to enjoy every single moment. Milestones or inchstones, childhood is gone before we know it. We'd better enjoy every moment.

If you're a parent you'd better grab your tissues, because I can pretty much guarantee that your eyes will leak.




I'm going to enjoy this ordinary therapy-free day at home with our snotty-nose boy. I hope you have an ordinary day too.

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The Director of Awesome

I've been in a deep funk lately. I have about 15 partial posts written, saved and ready to be finished and posted. But I get distracted - sometimes by Elijah and sometimes I just have to keep writing the posts that keep popping in my head before finishing another. Mostly it's hard to post about the harder things and when you're in a funk you're going to be writing about the harder things. It feels like ripping my chest open and saying to the world, "Okay, here's my insides everybody. Take your best stab." I want to share it, though, and I will in my due time.

But not today. Today, I'm going to talk once again about how awesome our little man is. Because he is awesome.

In order to fully understand why today's events were so awesome, I think I need to give some background info. Awhile ago, I wrote one of those 'ripping open my chest' posts about Elijah's difficulty communicating and my frustration. And at the end of the post I mentioned a short seminar I went to given by Teri Kaminski-Peterson, author of The Big Book of Exclamations. She talked a lot about the pre-symbolic stage of development and a lot of the stuff she said has stuck with me. In my own way and the best I know how, I've been trying to teach Elijah some of the things I learned that night.

You see, words (and gestures) are symbols...they are a representation of something else. Before we start to talk when we're wee ones (yep, I just said wee ones), we have all sorts of precursors to speech that need to occur first. To my delight, Elijah has a lot of the precursors to speech. For example, he has some reciprocal interaction. If you tickle him, he might laugh, run away, and then come back for more. In his own way, he's asking for you to tickle him again, reciprocating. Sometimes, he will imitate you (another precursor to speech). That night I listened to Ms. Kaminski-Peterson's talk, I realized that the ares of communication Elijah struggles with the most are directly related to his vision.

One thing babies do before they ever utter a word is to direct your attention to something. Babies will see something they want, get your attention perhaps by babbling, and then they will point at the thing they want. They direct you towards their desired object. I wondered how Elijah would be able do that. How can he direct our attention to something if he can't even see it?

I started thinking of ways to teach him how to direct me. He loves his Elmo toy and we put it on the counter out of his reach. He'd whine for his toy, I'd grab his hand, walk him over to where I was standing and model what I wanted him to do. I'd take his hands and pretend to have him pull on my pant leg while saying, "Mama mama." And then I'd respond to myself "What do you want Elijah?"while grabbing his hand. I'd walk him over to Elmo, placing Elijah's hands on the counter. "Oh, you want Elmo! I can turn him on for you." And repeat this scenario over and over and over. Yes, it's kind of awkward having a conversation with myself, but I was teaching him how he could direct my attention.

Are you still with me? We're getting to the good part.

Lately, Elijah has been reaching up to Andy and me to be picked up. It's the sweetest thing ever. He never used to do that and we've been enjoying the hugs he gives. Today, Elijah was reaching on my leg. I was about to pick him up when and a light bulb went off. This is what I've been trying to teach him. Maybe he doesn't want to be picked up, maybe he's trying to tell me something. So I grabbed his little hand and asked him, "What do you want Elijah?" To my surprise, he started to walk through our kitchen. "Where are we going Elijah?" Elijah walked me into our family room and laid down on the floor. Can you hear the shouts of joy and amazement?! No? Well, we change Elijah's diaper in our family room. He wanted to have his dirty diaper changed! He communicated his desire to have his diaper changed. Um, if you're not with me yet, that's HUGE for a multitude of reasons. He knew that he needed a diaper change for one thing (which is kind of important for potty training) and he told me about it by getting me and bringing me to where he gets changed. He directed my attention to a need of his. Now do you hear the shouts of joy?

And later, Elijah directed my attention to Elmo by clawing at my leg and walking me to his toy. Two times in one day; it's not a fluke. He's getting it. And yes, he is awesome. Not that you didn't already know that.

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No One Told Him He Wasn't Born in the 80's

Elijah has been grabbing his refrigerater toy off of the fridge and carrying it around the house. It's quite the feat for a kiddo who has a difficult time using his hands. And quite impressive that he can find the white handle since our fridge is white. Take that cortical visual impairment!

Usually, he will carry the toy by the handle and joyfully run off listening to the music. When he drops it, he'll often have to use two hands (woohoo!) to pick it back up. Once he has it in his grasp, he just might rest it on his shoulder (most likely to avoid using his left hand). This always reminds me of those "cool" guys who used to carry their boomboxes on their shoulders in the 80's. Let's just hope Elijah doesn't start begging us for some parachute pants! On second thought, if he were able to ask for parachute pants you'd better believe he'd own about ten pairs by tomorrow.

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He's a Big Boy

Elijah has been - how shall I put this - challenging lately.

It's kind of difficult to put our finger on what is wrong. We know Elijah is teething, but he has been for months. Two of his two year molars are poking through, but those suckers are taking forever. And to think there are two more to go. Sigh.

At the age of two our little man finally started to sleep through the night fairly consistently... and then it all changed. Teething, perhaps.

The thing is, though, that there are a lot of changes taking place in Elijahland. There might be more to it than just some teeth. Little man seems to be trying to assert his independence in whatever ways be can. He seems to be having the typical two-year-old "me do" mentality. Problem is, he isn't able to tell us verbally what he wants - which is frustrating to all of us.

His receptive language, however, is coming along. He's showing us that he is indeed understanding some phrases that we say. For example, if I say it's time to eat, he will walk to the table (usually laughing as he goes).

And, diaper changes. Elijah has hated having his diaper changed for the longest time. I'd explain what was going to happen, lay him down and he'd absolutely freak out. We finally figured out that he didn't like to be laid down. He wanted to do it himself. We tell him that he needs his diaper changed and he very compliantly lays down on the floor to have it changed. He'll even lift up his bum sometimes to help out! I know it might not sound like much, but to us...it's a big deal. Not only does he understand, he has a preference to how his diaper is changed, and he wants to do it all by himself. He's a big boy and he's desperately trying to let us know.

Speaking of being a big boy, we're making the transition to a toddler/day bed. We've been thinking about this for awhile now, since Elijah's getting scarily tall for his crib. We turned his crib backwards (because the back of his crib is taller than the front), but then I needed a stool just to reach him! Not ideal. We've been apprehensive to make the change, wondering if he's ready developmentally. And guess what? Elijah seems to be sleeping better with just having his mattress on the floor (we're doing it this way first to make sure he doesn't take a big tumble out of bed). It's going to take some training to teach him how to stay in bed (and it would with any kid), but he seems to be so much happier. He's a big boy. He wants freedom and independence - just like any other two year old. And just like any other first time parents, we're trying to figure it all out. We'll get there.

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We Could Use Some Prayers

Tomorrow morning we will be taking Elijah in to have an ABR hearing test, also known as a BAER. ABR stands for Auditory Brainstem Response and BAER stands for Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response, because I know you were totally wondering and are completely riveted with this information. ;)

In order to perform this test, Elijah will need to be sedated. SEDATED. Okay, so sedation completely freaks us out. You see, the one time Elijah was sedated he had some issues with it. I know Elijah was really young at the time and it should be easier this time around, but it's still scary. It's not something we take lightly. And, if I'm going to be completely open and honest with you all, in a lot of ways I know it's going to be psychologically trying for us. It'll bring us back (emotionally) to Eli's NICU days and I don't want to go there. I can hardly even think about watching him passed out tomorrow morning. It makes my heart hurt.

Andy and I have gone back and forth several times as to if we were even going to do this test. We've spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons, discussing it, praying about it. We certainly don't want to put Elijah through a procedure unless it's absolutely necessary.

And here's where it gets confusing - we know Elijah can hear. So why, then, would we be doing a hearing test? The thing we're trying to rule out is something called auditory neuropathy. Supposedly, with auditory neuropathy, hearing can come and go, it can be mild to severe, and it could cause a person to have a hard time understanding speech. Basically, it would mean that the brain isn't receiving all of the messages it should be. Considering Elijah's history, it's quite possible that he might have some sort of hearing problems.

So, that's how we came to decide to do the test. There are possibly things we could do to help Elijah if he indeed had some hearing loss (such as hearing aids or cochlear implants). With that in mind, we are going ahead with the test. We really think it needs to be done to make sure we're doing everything we possibly can be doing for him.

We could certainly use some prayers. Prayers for a safe and uneventful sedation experience and for the test to show that Elijah doesn't have auditory neuropathy. Thank you to each and every one of you who care about our little Elijah. It means so much to us.

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Memories of Cold Weather Days

After watching Elijah playing in the snow this week, I got a little nostalgic about his past two winters - his cute hats and snowsuits from days gone by. I decided to take a trip down memory lane via pictures. Care to join me?

Elijah at three months old, during his first snowfall ever.

I'm including the smiley photo because he's just so cute. Both photos were taken on the same day - December 1, 2007. I love the smiley boy picture and yet it fills me with sadness to see the deep ridges in his head from his hurt brain. Joy and sadness are so interlocked that sometimes they are carried in the same envelope. But, I digress...back to our regularly scheduled programing.

Elijah wearing Uncle Dan's hat - 4 months old

Wearing his cute penguin snowsuit - 4 months old

Adorable sweater and hat combo - 5 Months old

Elijah's first snowman - 7 months old

(he wasn't that impressed)

Just when we thought winter was over...a spring snowstorm - 7 months old

"Watching" the deer in the backyard - 7 months old

In his winter gear - 15 months old

On the go during his second round of HBOT - 19 months old

I can't help but wonder...where did that little baby go? Ahhh, nostalgia.

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A Man of Few Words

The hardest thing for Andy and I is to yearn for speech. Something, anything, any words at all, please-just-let-him-talk-to-me speech.

It's not that Elijah hasn't said anything. He has. There have been times when I've walked in a room, Elijah has given me direct eye contact and he's said, "Mom."

"Yes!" I say, "that's ME! I'm Mom. Mmmmomm, that's right, Elijah, Mmmmooooommm."

Most of the time, Elijah doesn't refer to me at all, but once in awhile, I'll hear an "Ahm" and I know he's saying my name.

And then nothing. I won't hear it again for a long time. For the most part, Elijah communicates in crying, whining, screeching, laughing, growling, and "dolphin-boy" squealing. He does babble occasionally and if he's feeling really cooperative, he will even mimic some noises (that, however, is exceptionally rare).

And then something amazing will happen. These moments are few and far between. I don't really mention them because, well, it doesn't happen very often and I usually chalk them up to my imagination.

Flashback to this morning...Elijah has just woken up and Andy brings him into our bedroom. Elijah sees me and leans his body towards me, which indicates his desire to be held by me.

"I love you, Elijah," I say when he's nestled in my arms.

And then comes a distinct, "Ahh-vooo." from Elijah.

"I heard it," Andy says and we both smile. Our boy said, "I love you" and we know it.

This isn't the first time. In fact, the first time Elijah said his version of "I love you" he was less than a year old. Andy was saying love you - love you - love you -over and over to Elijah. And Elijah said, "laboo" a couple of times...and then nothing for a really long time.

A little over a week ago Elijah said a version of "I love you" to Andy at the dinner table... and now this morning and I'm starting to let myself believe that it's real. Elijah is trying to say, "I love you."

It's not like he's never heard it before. The poor kid is probably going to move out when he's a teenager...that's how much he's heard it. He probably won't let me touch him once he's three, I've used up my allotment of hugs and kisses (Nah, there's no such thing as too many hugs or kisses). Let's just say he gets a lot of lovin' (can you really blame us?).

If there is one thing I want Elijah to know, it's that we love him...no matter what. He may be a man of few words, but he certainly chose the right ones to say. Because, when I think about Elijah's speech, "I love you," is all I really want to hear and I don't doubt that he is trying to tell us. And let's be honest, he doesn't really need words to tell us how he feels. We know.

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He Can't Tell Me

At times, a blind rage overtakes our boy. He screams and he cries and he bites his hand until it's red. Welts and scabs form from his continual abuse. I hold his hands and urge him to calm down. But his anger is in control now. He arches backwards to hit his head on his highchair because he can no longer bite his hands and mine are out of reach. He must get the anger out.

"What do you want?" I ask. But he doesn't answer. He can't tell me. And he doesn't know why I can't understand.

My insides grow cold and I want to cry, but I've used up all of my tears and have none to spare. I'm dead inside at this moment, my eyes drifting out the window so that I can pretend that I'm somewhere else. Anywhere, but here in this moment, watching my child hurt himself.

I try to understand, solve the puzzle of his anger. "This isn't what you wanted for lunch?" I ask. And yet, I know how he feels. I want to punch holes in the walls and slam my head against the table. The rage visits me too. Because he can't tell me. And I can't understand.

***

I wrote this this afternoon after a really difficult lunch with Elijah. Tonight, I went to a local event featuring a speech pathologist named Teri Kaminski-Peterson, author of The Big Book of Exclamations. She said some things I've heard before, gave me some new ideas, and most of all, reminded me that there's no such thing as false hope. There's just hope.

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Two in Two

I can't believe that our little man is going to be TWO in just TWO days!

Looking back over these last two years, I'm filled with awe. Elijah has accomplished so much in just this past year. He's learned to crawl, walk, jump, gallop, and run. He's learned to wave and shake his head no. He has picked things up from the floor. It may not seem amazing to some, but many of you do know - these are not minor feats. He has learned so much.

Yes, Elijah still has a lot of work to do. There are words I long to hear, things I hope he will one day be able to see, items he will be able to pick up. At times, the delays cloud my ability to see the progress. But, as I look back on these past two years I am nothing but amazed at this little man. If this past year is any indication, I'd say who knows what Elijah will do in the next year. He has learned so much.

Elijah, my boy, the sky is the limit...when are you going to teach me to fly? I have learned so much.

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Stair Master

Elijah is learning how to walk down the stairs by himself! As you'll see in the video, he still needs a lot of supervision when it comes to the stairs, but he's definitely getting there.

The cool thing? I've been trying to teach him how to scoot down the stairs on his butt (since he was opposed to climbing down backwards) and he's figuring out how to walk down on his own. To me, that means he's problem solving.

The other thing it shows is just how opposed he is to using his hands. Most kids would learn how to walk down the stairs by holding onto a railing. Elijah has never held onto anything while going down the stairs other than our hands (which he's done a lot, so he's had lots of practice). It would be so much easier for him (and safer!) if he'd just hold onto something. I have to say, though, I love this kid's determination.

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I See You!

As promised, here is a video of Elijah playing peek-a-boo. It is so exciting to see him doing this. He is using his hands much more often, mostly picking up cloth things (anything hard or heavy is hard to pick up). I LOVE this video. It makes me smile every time I watch it. I hope it brings all of you a smile as well.

P.S. Yes, that's an owie on his forehead. Poor fellow fell outside - it's all healed up now...except he has an owie on his knee at the moment. Being a boy in the summer is fun, huh?

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Scared of Sleep

We got Elijah's pulse-ox results today. The results were "abnormal but not at all dangerous to Elijah." Abnormal is definitely not what we were hoping to hear. Here's what happened: "Elijah had 120 de-saturations below 89% that totaled about 20min (for combined studies) over about 22 hrs of sleep". That doesn't sound so good to me. That means every night he's probably not getting the amount of oxygen he should for a total of 10 minutes.

Honestly, the results were a bit of a surprise to us. Any time we had looked at the monitor the two nights we had it, Elijah's saturations were fine. We didn't sit up watching it all night and I'm thankful that I didn't. Before I start beating myself up for not noticing the de-saturations, how would we have known? For both of the nights that we had the monitor, Elijah woke up in the middle of the night and spent the rest of the night sleeping (literally) on top of me. I didn't notice a thing. His de-saturations are definitely subtle. So, he's probably been doing this his entire life, we just didn't realize it. That makes me so frustrated and upset. Not getting good sleep is definitely bad for your development and it makes me sad that he's got one more thing working against him.

So, what's next? My awesome hubby (see previous post) got us in to see the sleep doctor this Wednesday - basically by calling and bugging the office people. :) They fit us in with a shorter appointment (we have a half hour when they usually like to do an hour). We have to meet with a sleep doc to talk about Elijah's history before they will order a sleep study. Hopefully we can do a sleep study soon so we can get to the bottom of the problem - we need to find out if the problem is brain-related or if Elijah has some sort of obstruction in his airway. I'm not really sure what the course of action is for either, but I'm already starting to envision Elijah's room with monitors and oxygen and that makes me sad.

Sometimes I feel like "what next?" Just when life seems to be plugging along, something else gets thrown at us. We'll deal with sleep apnea. It's not the end of the world, but at times it feels like it is. It's hard to put things in God's hands.

Sleep apnea would actually explain a lot when it comes to Elijah. He's never been a good sleeper (although, since his second set of HBOT, he has been sleeping better - falling asleep in the highchair and the car as the pictures illustrate). I'm glad we don't let Elijah cry it out - he can sleep in bed with us, he can sleep on top of me, he can cry for me in the middle of the night…as long as he's safe.

So, here we are in limbo. Waiting to know more, but a little scared of the sleep that could be harming our boy. I'll keep you all posted.

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Watching Babies Talk

Sometimes the best teachers are children, so I thought having Elijah watch other kids (specifically babies) talking would be good for his development.

So where was I going to get these little babies for Elijah to listen to? Well, YouTube of course! I searched for "Baby Talking" and I came up with all sorts of videos to watch with Elijah.

The following video is a cute little clip of Elijah watching a baby talking. I just love watching Elijah's reactions to this little girl...
If you're curious and want to watch what we were watching, you can find it here.

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Communication

Sometimes I'm really saddened by Elijah's lack of communication. We don't get to hear him call out to us with a mama or a dada. He doesn't say "hi!" or "owie." In a lot of ways, trying to figure out what Elijah wants or needs is a guessing game.

But, the first sentence of this post is somewhat misleading and inaccurate. Elijah does communicate. No, he doesn't talk and doesn't use many gestures, but he definitely communicates. If I really think about it, he communicates a lot.

Here's the thing, Elijah has said things before. He said "moo" once when I was telling him what a cow said. He has said Mom a couple of times when I walked into the room (and I think he calls me "Om" at times). When he was under a year, he would say "laboo" in response to his dad saying "I love you." He tells us he wants milk by saying "mmmm" during meals. While I can't say that he has words, he does communicate.

I really do believe that Elijah understands a lot - much more than he is able to give back. And in these recent months, Elijah is finding his own way to voice his opinions.

Just a few things that Elijah does to communicate with us…

-During a meal, if he wants more of a desired item, he will open his mouth big. If he doesn't want it, he will glue his mouth shut (nothing is getting in there!)

-He's starting to touch his highchair as if to tell me, "Yo mom, I'm really hungry. Do you think you could get your butt over here to give me something to eat?!" (Hmm, I think I need to teach him some respect for his mother, don't you?)

-If he wants to go outside, he'll touch the door (as in the above picture). Or he'll walk around screaming because we're not letting him out or we're not doing it fast enough. He's the king of temper tantrums.

-He waves to tell people hi or bye. Inconsistent, yes, but it's happening when Elijah is willing. Sometimes all it takes is a "tell so-and-so hi" and he'll immediately wave. Other times, he acts as if he doesn't understand us (it's just the beginning isn't it?).

-If he likes something, such as having his toes tickled, he'll ask for more by standing by the person who was doing the desired activity. He'll run away (because this boy never sits still), but he comes back and asks for more by standing and waiting for the person to tickle him again.

-The newest development is mimicking. I can't even begin to explain how exciting this one is. Mimicking is one of the first ways we learn – and it's a form of communication. Crazily enough, one of the first things Elijah mimicked was galloping. Then he shook his head. Then he waved. Now, he's doing all of those things on his own - because he learned them (AWESOME).

Elijah's most recent development happened a couple of mornings ago. Andy and I both stood on one foot and told Elijah to do it too. He just looked at our feet and ran away. We grabbed his hands and tried again. Our feet went in the air and little man's foot slowly but surely left the ground to copy us. "Good job Elijah!" we said as Elijah smiled and then did it for us again. "He did it!" we said to each other with absolute joy on our faces. "He copied us!"

It's amazing how a small act, such as lifting a leg, can produce such joy. Communcation is huge and is really more important than spoken words. Irregardless of a person's abilities, many people communicate in their own way. Sometimes you have to pay more attention or give someone a little extra time, but communciation is usually there if you look for it. Don't assume that just because someone cannot talk they don't have anything to say.

Do we get to hear Elijah talk? No, not at this time. But, we continue to believe that he will speak to us. When the time is right and with God's help. He will.

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Things are Looking Up

Sometimes my every day life overwhelms me and I have to admit that I've been in a bit of a funk lately. It's quite the feeling of responsibility to develop another person's brain – and I think that can be said for any and all parents. But, when your child has a hurt brain, there is an even greater feeling of responsibility, stress, and anxiety over your child's development. We feel like our child's future outcome lies in our hands. I truly feel that what we do now will determine – to a certain extent - what Elijah's future will look like. With that thought, I am at times completely overwhelmed with this responsibility. Sure, there are things in which we have no control, but I never want to look back and wish that we had done more for Elijah. I'm thankful for God because I know that it's ultimately He who will heal our son. Even if I forget from time to time, having that realization eases my stress. It's nice to know it's not all on our shoulders and that we can look up to God for help, for comfort, for healing.

I have been feeling lately that things are looking up – in many ways. Elijah seems to be making progress and I find it so exciting. One thing he is doing more often is looking up when he's walking. I see him noticing the vast world above him more now than ever before. It's pretty cool to see him walking in our backyard, looking up at the trees. His vision seems to continue to improve, which brings more improvements in other areas. Last night, Andy started to walk upstairs to change out of his work clothes. Elijah, without missing a beat, started to crawl up the stairs right after his dad. Yes, Elijah has climbed the stairs before, but never the entire flight and never without prompting. It was amazing to see him do it and we're so proud.

What about the shaking and the waving? He has repeated both things! This past weekend at church, Elijah waved to people with some prompting (i.e. we move his arm first and then he continues to do it). And on Mother's Day, he waved goodbye to his grandpa and grandma, without any help from us. So exciting! Yesterday morning at breakfast, I was trying to feed Elijah, but all he wanted was his rice milk. I asked him if he wanted to eat and he started to fuss and then shook his head for no. I'm so thrilled that he is doing these things on a consistent basis. I can only believe that they will continue to happen more often and will lead to more communication.

See? Things are looking up – in more ways than one.

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