Friday, January 9, 2015


This week marks our return to our new normal. Elijah is back to school after winter break, Andy is back to work and my mom (who had helped us for a few weeks) is back home. So, this is my new life...

The younger kids are sleeping and Elijah is at school.

I'm truly alone for the first time in several months (because any woman who's ever been pregnant knows that you're never alone when you're carrying a child in your womb).

It's weird, this quiet that envelops the house. The only sound is the thumping of the washing machine, our fish tank, and the occasional squeaks from our new baby sleeping in his bouncy chair.

Oh wait... I'm not really alone, am I? Whatever, it's quiet and that's something.

I just found out that Elijah's school is cancelled tomorrow because of windchill, which means I will have a seven-year-old with special needs, a two-year-old who's trying to figure out how he fits in this new family, and a newborn to care for on my own. Three kids. How in the world are we going to survive?

Andy is working from home (in our basement), so if the kids try to kill me he will hear and come to my rescue. At least I hope so.

Andy helps me with lunch (oh how thankful I am for that man).

In the afternoon, Oliver naps and Theo is snuggled to my chest in his baby carrier. I ask Elijah if he wants to help me do laundry. He shakes his head no. I ask if he wants to do the dishes and he emphatically shakes his entire body in a head nod. I gleam with pride as that was an obvious yes and no, something that doesn't always happen with Elijah accurately.

We do the dishes.

And then... (sorry Elijah) the laundry.

There are two baskets of laundry to be folded, more that needs to be washed, and I have no idea what we're going to eat for supper.

But, there's quiet in my house again. Oliver is napping, Elijah is at school and a fussy Theo is finally asleep on my chest. The snow is falling gently out my window and I'm pretty sure I have the best life ever.

After Elijah comes home from school, Elijah (with the help of his PCA - personal care assistant) and Oliver sit at the table and finger paint. I hold Theo and squeeze paint onto Oliver's plate.

"This dolphin. This fish. This dog," Oliver says to me, pointing out globs of paint on his paper. Elijah grabs his paint globs and tries to throw them on the floor. His smile gleams under the paint on his face.

Oliver is sitting in my lap while I fold laundry. It's become ever so apparent that he's feeling insecure about his lost status of littlest in the family. Still, he's really grown into his big brother role. He tells me to help Theo when he cries, gives the baby kisses all the time, and puts his hand on his baby brother's cheek and whispers, "sweetie pie."

I melt.

I finish writing this while my youngest two boys sleep and try not to feel guilty for not doing other things.


This is our new normal. Apparently our life revolves around laundry.

We're outnumbered now and it's exhausting. I feel like we're running in circles just to keep afloat. It's also completely and totally awesome.

Now I'm fold a basket of laundry.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Family of Five

On Friday, December 5th, 2014, we welcomed the fifth member of our family.
He arrived at 8:09 am and weighed 8 pounds and 11 ounces. He was 21.5 inches long, the exact same length as both of his older brothers at their births.
We named our little sweetie Theodore Jude. Theodore means God's gift and Jude means praise. We plan on calling the little guy Theo for short.
They let me do skin to skin in the OR, which isn't something I was expecting at all. I didn't have to be separated from my little Theo. It was heavenly.
It was definitely the most peaceful I've ever felt during one of my births. I felt so calm, so serene. Scared, yes, as it's still a surgery, but it was a beautiful experience. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers. I could feel them.
This little guy is already such a blessing, a gift from God indeed. It will be neat to watch him grow and develop his own place in our family of five.
Big brothers aren't quite sure what to think of their little brother just yet. It'll certainly be an adjustment to share their parents, but I'm already imagining the trouble the three of them will be getting into together. It makes me smile and cringe and smile some more. It feels marvelous to be a family of five.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

This Week

I'm having a baby this week.

A planned c-section is kind of like an eviction date. We're kicking you out, little buckeroo. 

Now, I'm a glass half full kind of gal, but let's face it... I have a complicated relationship with birth. Having your firstborn almost die and watching him live with the lifelong consequences of a birth gone wrong is tough. I don't hear the word "birth" and think sunshine and roses. I wish that I did. But, for someone like me (or Andy), I don't think that will ever be possible. I can rejoice in the beauty of a child's entry into this world, but I'll never be able to see birth the same as I did eight years ago. I can't, not after what we've been through. Our naivety is gone.

And it's okay. My births look different than I once thought they would. This week I'm giving birth for the third time via surgery and it's going to be beautiful.

That doesn't mean I don't have some residual fears and anxiety. I try so hard not to remember Elijah's birth, but facing another birth soon brings back old scars and wounds. The trauma of a difficult birth will never fully leave us, but having had a positive, happy birth with Oliver helps tremendously. I know what a happy birthing experience should be like and that softens hard memories.

And so, I try to push out the past as I focus on our amazing future ahead of us. Soon we will be parents to three little boys. God is so, so good. I know He's looking out for us.

Prayers for an uneventful birth, fast recovery, and health for our newest little boy would be greatly appreciated. He'll be here early Friday morning. I'll keep you all posted.

Thursday, October 23, 2014


Oh, poor little neglected blog. There is so much you don't know. So many things that have happened in the past several months that haven't been written here in Elijahland. So many changes occurring.
First, there's this:
Yep, our little family is expanding to five - soon, in fact.  December is approaching quickly: 
Soon, we'll have our hands even more full. Oh boy!
These two awesome sons of ours are going to be big brothers to one awesome little bro. 
We're thrilled - and busy with all that life entails. Something tells me things aren't going to be slowing down any time soon. I am totally and completely okay with that. Life is crazy, but it sure is fun. We already love our three boys. 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014


Today was our firstborn's first day of first grade.
Little brother, Oliver, wanted to be in pictures too, so he got to help hold Elijah's sign.
Oliver wanted to go to school with his big brother. "Oliver school, too," he kept telling me.
I felt nervous today and on edge. It's hard to send your kid to school and trust those who take care of him (especially since he can't tell us what he thinks or feels or how his day went). The first day of first grade was so much easier than the first day of kindergarten, however, and we're pleased that Elijah has the same paras as last year. He's known at his school and they care about him. That means so much.
And, it helps that Elijah LOVES school. He waved goodbye to me before he got out of the van this morning and practically pulled his para into the building.

When Elijah got home, he was all smiles and full of joy and affection. Elijah doesn't usually make all that much noise, but at supper he was babbling so much it was like he was telling us about his day. Oh, how I yearn to be able to understand what he's saying, to get inside that head of his. He's been more verbal lately and we have renewed hope for the development of speech.

It doesn't take words, however, to know that he had a really amazing first day of school. Can't wait to see the changes this year will bring.
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