It's Complicated

When it comes to the brain, it's complicated.

And confusing.

We don't really know what Elijah experiences. We do know that he doesn't experience his life the same way the rest of us do. It leaves me confused, wishing that I could spend some time inside his little body to better understand how he experiences this world.

He can see, but we don't know how much or what or when he's seeing. I'm often amazed at his ability to navigate without running into things. And at other times, I'm amazed at how much he doesn't seem to see at all.

He can hear, but we don't know if his brain is processing the information as it should be.

He can feel pain, but his brain doesn't seem to know what to do with the information. That leaves Elijah with a seemingly high pain tolerance. Which, by the way, sounds awesome, but it's not.

He can process his food, but his digestive system is a lot slower than most of us. Elijah's brain doesn't tell his stomach to empty as fast as it should.

He can communicate, but not with speech. It's often in subtle, unconventional ways and you might miss it if you're not paying attention.

He can interact with kids, but he doesn't know what to do with them. He often scares them and my heart soars and breaks to watch him trying.

You see? It's complicated. Elijah has a lots of can-dos, but they're all complicated by the brain's inability to know what to do with the information, which frustrates me. The brain is always changing, forming different connections. That knowledge gives me hope. But, the brain in it's complicated-ness makes life frustrating. It affects every single aspect of a person's life, from digestion to speech, from mobility to vision to hearing. Every.single.aspect. Whatever you do, protect those little noggins.

Because when the brain is hurt - it's complicated. And confusing. And sometimes frustrating.

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We Could Use Some Prayers

Tomorrow morning we will be taking Elijah in to have an ABR hearing test, also known as a BAER. ABR stands for Auditory Brainstem Response and BAER stands for Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response, because I know you were totally wondering and are completely riveted with this information. ;)

In order to perform this test, Elijah will need to be sedated. SEDATED. Okay, so sedation completely freaks us out. You see, the one time Elijah was sedated he had some issues with it. I know Elijah was really young at the time and it should be easier this time around, but it's still scary. It's not something we take lightly. And, if I'm going to be completely open and honest with you all, in a lot of ways I know it's going to be psychologically trying for us. It'll bring us back (emotionally) to Eli's NICU days and I don't want to go there. I can hardly even think about watching him passed out tomorrow morning. It makes my heart hurt.

Andy and I have gone back and forth several times as to if we were even going to do this test. We've spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons, discussing it, praying about it. We certainly don't want to put Elijah through a procedure unless it's absolutely necessary.

And here's where it gets confusing - we know Elijah can hear. So why, then, would we be doing a hearing test? The thing we're trying to rule out is something called auditory neuropathy. Supposedly, with auditory neuropathy, hearing can come and go, it can be mild to severe, and it could cause a person to have a hard time understanding speech. Basically, it would mean that the brain isn't receiving all of the messages it should be. Considering Elijah's history, it's quite possible that he might have some sort of hearing problems.

So, that's how we came to decide to do the test. There are possibly things we could do to help Elijah if he indeed had some hearing loss (such as hearing aids or cochlear implants). With that in mind, we are going ahead with the test. We really think it needs to be done to make sure we're doing everything we possibly can be doing for him.

We could certainly use some prayers. Prayers for a safe and uneventful sedation experience and for the test to show that Elijah doesn't have auditory neuropathy. Thank you to each and every one of you who care about our little Elijah. It means so much to us.

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