Craaaaaah

Elijah is standing behind me. Blowing air past his lips, Elijah makes a "craaahhh" noise.

"You're copying me aren't you, Elijah?" I ask.

Elijah smirks at me and laughs a little. He is copying me.

You see, I've had a bit of a cold lately. One of those annoying ones that causes you to be congested for a very long time and subsequently causes you to cough and blow your nose several times a day, even though you feel otherwise healthy (I'm already feeling much better, thank you).

I'll head to the bathroom to blow my nose and soon I hear the pitter-patter of Elijah-feet in my direction. He follows me to mimic the sound I make when blowing my nose.

This is pretty cool for our kiddo who's never mimicked much of anything we do (pretty cool indeed!). Elijah will sometimes imitate gross motor activities, but I really can't think of much that he has mimicked verbally. Even cooler is that he's been doing it all week. It's not just a one day thing or a one person thing (he's mimicked Andy too). Often when we've heard verbalization from Elijah we won't hear it again for six months, a year, or longer. It's a long time to wait.

So, when Elijah comes up to me and copies a noise I'm making? I'm beyond thrilled. He's really copying a sound with his mouth. I hope you all realize how profound it really is. Is it a word? Nope, but in my book it might as well be. That's how cool it is. Just tonight, I pretended to make the sound and Elijah did it too. "Craaaaah," he said, a smirk on his face. This back and forth verbalization is the beginning of speech, so yeah, it's pretty exciting.

Oh, and who cares if it's something gross? It's like a kid repeating that one thing you didn't want them to in an embarrassing setting. A parental rite of passage, don't you think?

{Also, how in the world am I supposed to spell this sound? Craaaah will have to do, I guess.}

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He's a Big Boy

Elijah has been - how shall I put this - challenging lately.

It's kind of difficult to put our finger on what is wrong. We know Elijah is teething, but he has been for months. Two of his two year molars are poking through, but those suckers are taking forever. And to think there are two more to go. Sigh.

At the age of two our little man finally started to sleep through the night fairly consistently... and then it all changed. Teething, perhaps.

The thing is, though, that there are a lot of changes taking place in Elijahland. There might be more to it than just some teeth. Little man seems to be trying to assert his independence in whatever ways be can. He seems to be having the typical two-year-old "me do" mentality. Problem is, he isn't able to tell us verbally what he wants - which is frustrating to all of us.

His receptive language, however, is coming along. He's showing us that he is indeed understanding some phrases that we say. For example, if I say it's time to eat, he will walk to the table (usually laughing as he goes).

And, diaper changes. Elijah has hated having his diaper changed for the longest time. I'd explain what was going to happen, lay him down and he'd absolutely freak out. We finally figured out that he didn't like to be laid down. He wanted to do it himself. We tell him that he needs his diaper changed and he very compliantly lays down on the floor to have it changed. He'll even lift up his bum sometimes to help out! I know it might not sound like much, but to us...it's a big deal. Not only does he understand, he has a preference to how his diaper is changed, and he wants to do it all by himself. He's a big boy and he's desperately trying to let us know.

Speaking of being a big boy, we're making the transition to a toddler/day bed. We've been thinking about this for awhile now, since Elijah's getting scarily tall for his crib. We turned his crib backwards (because the back of his crib is taller than the front), but then I needed a stool just to reach him! Not ideal. We've been apprehensive to make the change, wondering if he's ready developmentally. And guess what? Elijah seems to be sleeping better with just having his mattress on the floor (we're doing it this way first to make sure he doesn't take a big tumble out of bed). It's going to take some training to teach him how to stay in bed (and it would with any kid), but he seems to be so much happier. He's a big boy. He wants freedom and independence - just like any other two year old. And just like any other first time parents, we're trying to figure it all out. We'll get there.

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A Man of Few Words

The hardest thing for Andy and I is to yearn for speech. Something, anything, any words at all, please-just-let-him-talk-to-me speech.

It's not that Elijah hasn't said anything. He has. There have been times when I've walked in a room, Elijah has given me direct eye contact and he's said, "Mom."

"Yes!" I say, "that's ME! I'm Mom. Mmmmomm, that's right, Elijah, Mmmmooooommm."

Most of the time, Elijah doesn't refer to me at all, but once in awhile, I'll hear an "Ahm" and I know he's saying my name.

And then nothing. I won't hear it again for a long time. For the most part, Elijah communicates in crying, whining, screeching, laughing, growling, and "dolphin-boy" squealing. He does babble occasionally and if he's feeling really cooperative, he will even mimic some noises (that, however, is exceptionally rare).

And then something amazing will happen. These moments are few and far between. I don't really mention them because, well, it doesn't happen very often and I usually chalk them up to my imagination.

Flashback to this morning...Elijah has just woken up and Andy brings him into our bedroom. Elijah sees me and leans his body towards me, which indicates his desire to be held by me.

"I love you, Elijah," I say when he's nestled in my arms.

And then comes a distinct, "Ahh-vooo." from Elijah.

"I heard it," Andy says and we both smile. Our boy said, "I love you" and we know it.

This isn't the first time. In fact, the first time Elijah said his version of "I love you" he was less than a year old. Andy was saying love you - love you - love you -over and over to Elijah. And Elijah said, "laboo" a couple of times...and then nothing for a really long time.

A little over a week ago Elijah said a version of "I love you" to Andy at the dinner table... and now this morning and I'm starting to let myself believe that it's real. Elijah is trying to say, "I love you."

It's not like he's never heard it before. The poor kid is probably going to move out when he's a teenager...that's how much he's heard it. He probably won't let me touch him once he's three, I've used up my allotment of hugs and kisses (Nah, there's no such thing as too many hugs or kisses). Let's just say he gets a lot of lovin' (can you really blame us?).

If there is one thing I want Elijah to know, it's that we love him...no matter what. He may be a man of few words, but he certainly chose the right ones to say. Because, when I think about Elijah's speech, "I love you," is all I really want to hear and I don't doubt that he is trying to tell us. And let's be honest, he doesn't really need words to tell us how he feels. We know.

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He Can't Tell Me

At times, a blind rage overtakes our boy. He screams and he cries and he bites his hand until it's red. Welts and scabs form from his continual abuse. I hold his hands and urge him to calm down. But his anger is in control now. He arches backwards to hit his head on his highchair because he can no longer bite his hands and mine are out of reach. He must get the anger out.

"What do you want?" I ask. But he doesn't answer. He can't tell me. And he doesn't know why I can't understand.

My insides grow cold and I want to cry, but I've used up all of my tears and have none to spare. I'm dead inside at this moment, my eyes drifting out the window so that I can pretend that I'm somewhere else. Anywhere, but here in this moment, watching my child hurt himself.

I try to understand, solve the puzzle of his anger. "This isn't what you wanted for lunch?" I ask. And yet, I know how he feels. I want to punch holes in the walls and slam my head against the table. The rage visits me too. Because he can't tell me. And I can't understand.

***

I wrote this this afternoon after a really difficult lunch with Elijah. Tonight, I went to a local event featuring a speech pathologist named Teri Kaminski-Peterson, author of The Big Book of Exclamations. She said some things I've heard before, gave me some new ideas, and most of all, reminded me that there's no such thing as false hope. There's just hope.

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Watching Babies Talk

Sometimes the best teachers are children, so I thought having Elijah watch other kids (specifically babies) talking would be good for his development.

So where was I going to get these little babies for Elijah to listen to? Well, YouTube of course! I searched for "Baby Talking" and I came up with all sorts of videos to watch with Elijah.

The following video is a cute little clip of Elijah watching a baby talking. I just love watching Elijah's reactions to this little girl...
If you're curious and want to watch what we were watching, you can find it here.

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Communication

Sometimes I'm really saddened by Elijah's lack of communication. We don't get to hear him call out to us with a mama or a dada. He doesn't say "hi!" or "owie." In a lot of ways, trying to figure out what Elijah wants or needs is a guessing game.

But, the first sentence of this post is somewhat misleading and inaccurate. Elijah does communicate. No, he doesn't talk and doesn't use many gestures, but he definitely communicates. If I really think about it, he communicates a lot.

Here's the thing, Elijah has said things before. He said "moo" once when I was telling him what a cow said. He has said Mom a couple of times when I walked into the room (and I think he calls me "Om" at times). When he was under a year, he would say "laboo" in response to his dad saying "I love you." He tells us he wants milk by saying "mmmm" during meals. While I can't say that he has words, he does communicate.

I really do believe that Elijah understands a lot - much more than he is able to give back. And in these recent months, Elijah is finding his own way to voice his opinions.

Just a few things that Elijah does to communicate with us…

-During a meal, if he wants more of a desired item, he will open his mouth big. If he doesn't want it, he will glue his mouth shut (nothing is getting in there!)

-He's starting to touch his highchair as if to tell me, "Yo mom, I'm really hungry. Do you think you could get your butt over here to give me something to eat?!" (Hmm, I think I need to teach him some respect for his mother, don't you?)

-If he wants to go outside, he'll touch the door (as in the above picture). Or he'll walk around screaming because we're not letting him out or we're not doing it fast enough. He's the king of temper tantrums.

-He waves to tell people hi or bye. Inconsistent, yes, but it's happening when Elijah is willing. Sometimes all it takes is a "tell so-and-so hi" and he'll immediately wave. Other times, he acts as if he doesn't understand us (it's just the beginning isn't it?).

-If he likes something, such as having his toes tickled, he'll ask for more by standing by the person who was doing the desired activity. He'll run away (because this boy never sits still), but he comes back and asks for more by standing and waiting for the person to tickle him again.

-The newest development is mimicking. I can't even begin to explain how exciting this one is. Mimicking is one of the first ways we learn – and it's a form of communication. Crazily enough, one of the first things Elijah mimicked was galloping. Then he shook his head. Then he waved. Now, he's doing all of those things on his own - because he learned them (AWESOME).

Elijah's most recent development happened a couple of mornings ago. Andy and I both stood on one foot and told Elijah to do it too. He just looked at our feet and ran away. We grabbed his hands and tried again. Our feet went in the air and little man's foot slowly but surely left the ground to copy us. "Good job Elijah!" we said as Elijah smiled and then did it for us again. "He did it!" we said to each other with absolute joy on our faces. "He copied us!"

It's amazing how a small act, such as lifting a leg, can produce such joy. Communcation is huge and is really more important than spoken words. Irregardless of a person's abilities, many people communicate in their own way. Sometimes you have to pay more attention or give someone a little extra time, but communciation is usually there if you look for it. Don't assume that just because someone cannot talk they don't have anything to say.

Do we get to hear Elijah talk? No, not at this time. But, we continue to believe that he will speak to us. When the time is right and with God's help. He will.

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Mandarin Oranges

Elijah has been doing really great in speech therapy lately and we're seeing changes in the way he is using his mouth. His tongue is moving around a lot more, he's starting to stick his tongue out a bit, he's closing his mouth some, he's attempting to chew, and he seems to have a better general awareness of his mouth.

Eating fascinates me. It seems like such a simple thing to do and might I add…I'm really good at it (but that's a whole other topic!). Eating really isn't as simple as it seems, however. Have you ever stopped to think all the things that you do in your mouth just to take a bite of food? It's phenomenal. And along those same lines, have you ever thought of all the things that your mouth has to do in order for you to speak? It's not a simple task; it's exceptional what we do with our mouths. Read this aloud (if you like – and if it won't make you seem like a crazy personJ) and think of all the positions your tongue, your lips, etc. are in just so that you can talk. It's really amazing.

Today in therapy, Elijah ate mandarin oranges for the first time in his life. His therapist was working on getting him to bite off food and eat it. I was pleasantly surprised on how well he handled the chunks he bit off. His little mouth was working! I could see his adorable little dimples as he worked the oranges around in his mouth and down his cute little esophagus. I was mighty proud over some silly little pieces of fruit.

As Elijah and I left therapy today, his therapist mentioned that Elijah is making a lot of progress. She said she's noticing him making a lot more noise (Andy and I have been noticing that too). She also mentioned that as his eating skills improved, she thought his speech would start to emerge. I almost got tears in my eyes just hearing her say that. This means that she thinks he'll have speech – that it's going to come in due time. Oh, how I love to hear him running around the house saying, "Mom! Mom! Moooom!" I know I'm getting ahead of myself, looking too far into the future when I should be focused on the present. So, for now, I'm going to revel in the glory of oranges.

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