Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I’m so frustrated with myself. I find that I’m trying to avoid asking myself the what-ifs. What if Elijah’s head doesn’t grow? What if he has CP? What if…?
I know that I shouldn’t ask myself these questions. For the most part, I go through my day enjoying my little man. Loving him and kissing him and trying to stimulate him as much as possible. If you know me, you’d know that I’m a fairly positive person. I really don’t like negativity because I don’t feel like it gets anyone anywhere, other than a trip down depression lane. I try to focus on the good in life. Sometimes, though, that’s easier said than done.
It’s a lot of responsibility being a mom. Not that I didn’t know that ahead of time, but I just feel like I have extra weight on my shoulders. I’m with Elijah the most, so it’s up to me to make sure that he is getting everything he needs to develop. I know that I can’t fix his brain, but I can stimulate what he has. I can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed sometimes. I want to make everything all right for Elijah, but I know that only God can do that. This is the greatest and hardest lesson in faith I’ve ever had. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle it, but I know that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me.

Please pray for Elijah’s head to have a growth spurt (is that even possible? :) - with God it is), that he will have normal tone (no CP), and for encouragement for me (and Andy too). We don’t know what we would do without our CaringBridge family of supporters.


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