Monday, November 12, 2007

I think I have separation anxiety. (Isn’t it the baby who’s supposed to get that?) It pains me to think about being apart from Elijah. Elijah, on the other hand, doesn’t mind being held by others, which is really great. From what I’ve read, separation anxiety doesn’t usually occur in babies for a few more months, and is a completely normal emotional milestone for babies.
As for me, I know why I’m so attached. First of all, I’m his mommy and I love him. Second of all, we were separated. I am still dealing with the fact that I didn’t get to see my little man the night he was born, let alone hold him (I think that is possibly the worst torture you could do to a woman). It makes me so sad when I think about it, which isn’t very often anymore. I know I will grow out of this, just as he will when he goes through it later. For now, I’m enjoying the healing powers of cuddling with Elijah.
Tomorrow Elijah has an appointment with his neurologist, the man affectionately dubbed “Dr. Gloom” (By the way, I wasn’t the one who came up with that name; it was one of you in the guestbook. I liked it and it stuck). I have mixed feelings about this appointment. On one hand, I would like to think that Dr. Gloom will be happy and surprised to see how well Elijah is doing. He hasn’t seen Elijah since he was eight days old, and the prognosis was grim. That was the day Elijah was taken off of the respirator, so obviously a lot has changed since then. I just hope Dr. Gloom isn’t so gloomy this time we see him. I hope he can recognize a miracle when he sees one.


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