Elijah just turned three. And while our expectations are still high, I find myself coming to a place of acceptance. Elijah isn't fine... at least not what I would have defined as fine during those early days.
A big part of me thought that Elijah would catch up by the time he was three. It was a coping mechanism for sure - telling myself that things would get better so that I could get through each day, so that I'd work extra hard for our son. I told myself that if I put in extra work now that we'd get there, eventually we'd be able to relax. And well, that just isn't the case; relaxing in terms of working for Elijah's betterment just isn't going to be happening anytime soon. (Then again, is the word relax ever a part of your vocabulary when you're a parent?)
The problem with acceptance is that it can feel a lot like giving up. It's such a balance, hoping and working towards a brighter future and accepting our son exactly as he is.
Recently, Elijah underwent testing through the school district to be able to start preschool. It was interesting for me to watch. Elijah did some things that I would've said he couldn't. I hate that I've underestimated him in any way, but I certainly overestimate him more often. Neither is good for him.
I need to keep rejoicing over each and every accomplishment, accepting whatever it is that Elijah will be able to accomplish, but at the same time keeping my great expectations. He deserves that, especially from me...his number one fan (tied with his daddy of course!).
PS - Our lives are definitely busy here in Elijahland and a lot of changes are taking place in terms of Elijah's therapy. I'll be writing about it soon (oh, I hope). I'm excited. :)