As Elijah’s first birthday quickly approaches, I have so many mixed emotions. I’m so glad that he’s here with us, that he’s our son, and that he’s made so many improvements. I seriously cannot remember my life without him...and I don’t really want to.
However, as that first birthday approaches, I have to say I hoped that I’d be more “over” his birth than I am. The night he was born still holds a lot of pain and sadness for me – and I think it does for a lot of our family members. I’d like to remember just the good part...that Elijah was born, but his birth is also intermingled with a lot of pain.
When I’m unforgiving of myself, when I think I should have worked through it by now, I look at it kind of like this...
Picture a young couple taking a stroll on a quiet summer evening. They’re really excited (and perhaps scared) because they’re about to do something they’ve never done before. Their newborn baby is with them and they’re euphoric about life and what the future holds.
Then, out of the shadows steps a mugger. They stop, freeze and think, “This isn’t how this night was supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the happiest night of our lives.”
The mugger hits the wife in the stomach and she reels over in pain. She’s strong and she fights back, but she can’t do anything but lie on the ground, holding her stomach. Then the most unimaginable thing happens...the mugger goes for the child. With fury in its eyes, the mugger hits the child on the head repeatedly. The baby almost dies. And the husband? He’s held back and has to watch as the two most important people in his life suffer. It’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to endure.
Thankfully, they’re all okay. The wife recovers, left with a scar on her abdomen as a reminder of what happened. The child takes longer to recover, but he does...with a cost. He’ll never be the same and has to struggle to do the things others take for granted.
And what did the mugger want? Not money or jewelry, the mugger wanted joy. And while the mugger caused pain, it didn’t get what it wanted. Because you can’t steal our joy.
The point is, something really traumatic happened and it’s going to take awhile to get over it. I’m sure someone who had experienced something violent, like a mugging, would still think about it a year later. They’d have flashbacks to that night, they’d question their actions, and they’d wish it had never happened.
On a happier note, things have been really busy lately. We’ve been enjoying the summer, loving life and spending time with family and friends. Life is good. We try to remind ourselves to take life each day at a time, to enjoy our boy each moment, and to not get caught up on the things Elijah is unable to do. He’ll get there.
The Amazing Sitter
I’ve now timed Elijah sitting for 26 minutes. We think that’s pretty great. :)
I’ve uploaded new photos to Elijah’s Photobucket site. You’ll find new pictures in the 8, 9, and 10 month folders. It’s about time, right? I still have more I need to add and I’ll let you all know when I’ve added more photos. Now, it’s off to bed. The last two nights have been horrendous. Elijah’s been a night owl lately and we’re not really sure why. Teething pain perhaps? Either way, it’s time to jump in bed.