It took me awhile to decide if I even wanted to sign up for the class. Honestly, I thought it might be difficult for me to see other babies and what they are doing developmentally compared to Elijah. I told myself, though, that it’s important for me to not hold Elijah back based on my feelings and apprehensions. I want to give him every opportunity in life and I don’t think it would be fair to not do something just because it might make me uncomfortable.
So how did our first day of class go? Well, I was uncomfortable.
Elijah actually slept through the first part of class. He had fallen asleep in the car on the way there and didn’t wake up until about halfway through the class, so he missed most of it. The majority of his classmates are six months old, two are nine months (there are less than ten babies in the class). So, most are the same age he is. In fact, one baby even shares Elijah’s birthday… a baby named Andy. :)
I was doing fine until we started discussion. The teacher wanted us to go around the room and share our birth experience (I was not expecting that!). I thought, “Okay, I can do this.” But, I broke down telling them a short synopsis of Elijah’s birth. Just when I think I’ve got a handle on my emotions, they come flooding out again…and at the worst possible moment. I suppose that’s just they way emotions work, they don’t ask you your permission as to when they are going to appear. I sometimes wonder when I’m going to “get over it”, but then I realize it was a very traumatic experience and it’s only been six months. It takes time to heal and I’ll get there. Elijah will too.
Anyway, it was an awkward hour of my life. Have any of you started crying in front of relative strangers before? It’s kind of humiliating. Everyone was nice of course, but it’s awkward nonetheless. They all gave me these sympathetic smiles and I know they were trying to understand what I’m going through. For me, though, it was just embarrassing. Anyway, I’m not exactly sure why I’m sharing this because in some ways writing about it is almost as embarrassing as living it. Somehow, though, I am always compelled to write about my little family and the ups and downs of our lives. I don’t know why, but it’s so cathartic to write it all down because after all, this is our story…for better for worse. And, for better or worse, I think someday I will like having this record of our journey.
Overall, I’m glad that I went to the class. I do think it will be good for both Elijah and I to get out of the house once a week. The class is every Tuesday for the next nine weeks, so hopefully I’ll get to know these ladies better and I’m sure they’ll forget about my crying. Tomorrow Early Intervention is coming, which will happen every Wednesday now. So, two days a week we have activities planned and I can only think that all of that stimulation will be good for Elijah. Despite my leaky eyes, things are going well. :)