What Am I Doing Here?

Sometimes I wonder how I got here.  I mean, unlike most people, I never really made the conscious decision to start a blog. No, I wasn't struck over the head only to wake up and discover that I was the author of Elijahland. For us, it started with Caringbridge.  Elijah was a only a couple days old when Andy started Elijah's Caringbridge site and encouraged me to start writing updates about our son.

Never before had I blogged and even then I didn't consider it a blog, but a journal.

Caringbridge seemed like a great way to communicate with family and friends.  After all, I was really too exhausted to call anyone and I certainly didn't feel like saying the same thing over and over again to multiple people.  I was hardly surviving as it was...I was recovering from surgery (and labor) and my heart was slowly breaking.  I wanted our boy home and I wanted him to be okay.  Making a phone call to anyone was like suggesting I take another bite when I was already way too full.  It was just too much  Andy was in the same boat as me.  Besides we knew we could use each and every prayer we could get - and I know we got a lot through sharing Elijah's story online.  So I wrote about our days with Elijah in the NICU and ICC while we drove home from the hospital every night (um, well, while Andy drove and I rode).  We kept everyone updated this way and writing through our experiences was cathartic for me - a win-win.

Eventually, we switched to blogger and named our site Elijahland, mostly to be able to add more pictures to my postings.  Because I wanted to keep everything in one place, we copied everything over from Caringbridge to here, which is why my postings go back to 2007.  Yes, I'll admit I'm a bit of a (recovering) perfectionist. ;)

And, well, that's how we got here.  I started writing about Elijah to ask for prayers and I haven't been able to stop writing about him since.  What can I say?...Our little man is a topic I'm definitely passionate about. 

I have to ask myself, though, why do I keep writing?  Do I share too much of our little lives?  You might not know this about me, but I'm actually a pretty reserved person.  I try to pretend that I'm not, but I am.

So why do I do continue blogging? For a lot of reasons...
-to glorify God in what He's done for Elijah
-to get my thoughts out so that I can move forward
-so that other parents of kids with special needs can relate (and not feel alone in times of struggle/triumph)
-to change public opinion in some small way in reference to people with disabilities (Elijah has special needs and he's also awesome and perfect)
-to show parents of typically developing kids that we have more in common that you'd think
-because when Elijah accomplishes something, I want to shout it from the rooftop...and well, I can't climb on our roof (or at least it wouldn't be a good idea)
-it's pretty awesome having a record of Elijah's entire life
-because I love to write
-for other reasons I'm not really cognizant of
-because that dangling preposition above is bothering me (okay, maybe that's not a reason, but still.  Did I mention I'm a (recovering) perfectionist?)

I've barely touched my computer in the last two weeks because Andy had two work related trips that took him to both ends of the country (this really isn't the norm for him at all).  That also essentially left me as a single parent for a couple of weeks.  It made me think about a few things: 1-Single parents rock.  I look up to parents who solo parent full-time; it isn't easy. 2-Andy helps me A LOT.  I felt kind of lost without him.  3-I like blogging.  I miss it when I don't have the time for it.

So while sometimes I look around and wonder how I got here, I'm really glad to be here. To read all our your important stories means so much to me.  To write, well I love it. I quite literally can't stop writing.  It's like starting Elijah's Caringbridge site we started rolling down a hill and we never stopped.  Good thing we're laughing as we go.  And while I sometimes take time away from the internet, luckily for Elijah-fans everywhere, I'm not going anywhere. :)

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