They Fit

His chubby little body fits so perfectly on mine, his head tucked under my chin, his arms splayed around me. Snuggling. His head pops up and falls back down again, furiously, as he tries to get comfortable on my shoulder. He rubs his face back and forth, back and forth on my shirt. His breathing is fast and then slow and he squeaks in his sleep. I rub my face on his fuzzy brown hair and wonder why my hair can't be that soft, my skin as perfect. We just fit, my Oliver and me.

Elijah tackles me in the living room. We're enjoying being able to rough house again now that I'm no longer pregnant and not recovering from surgery. His body is stiff and large and I pick him up and roll with him on the floor. I cover him in kisses and he giggles and tries to get away. And then, he throws his body on mine, his arms dangling at his sides, and I exaggeratedly fall to the ground. "You got me," I say and we roll and laugh as his legs extend long and straight. We just fit, my Elijah and me.

Our boys. Our worries for them, holding them, parenting them - it's all been so different.  And, yet, it's been so much the same. We love them both so, so much. They fit in our arms and our family so perfectly.

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Five

Our firstborn is five years old today.

 Half a decade; it seems like a long time.

Time goes by so fast and our boy is growing up.

When I reflect on the past five years, I see how far Elijah has come. I see how far we've all come as a family.

Birthdays for Elijah will probably always be bittersweet for me. The day of his birth was also the day of his injury. It was the day that our son's life was forever altered. My memories of that day are painful to say the least.

Perhaps knowing what a birth is supposed to feel like now doesn't make it easier. So, so much was stolen from Elijah (and us).

But, Elijah's birthday is just one day in a span of days. And while there is definitely sadness about that day, it's also one of the best days ever. It's the day we got Elijah (I was going to say it was the day we met Elijah, but I didn't get to meet my son on his day of birth. I thought as the years past, I wouldn't think of these things as much, but the bitterness is still there. I am not yet able to just remember the good things (perhaps when Eli is ten)).

It's not about me, though. Today is about Elijah. It's about the fact that he's here with us, alive and thriving. It's about today, not about five years ago. He's pretty awesome and we know it. Truly, that is all that really matters.

Happy Birthday to our sweet five-year old! You have brought us so much joy, Elijah. You made us parents and have taken us on a wild ride. We are so, so blessed to call you our son - you with your love of music (especially the Beatles!), your climbing antics, your love of appliances, your affection for your little brother (you especially love it when he cries), your love of eating (even if it is hard for you), and your amazing smile. You, our little boy, are one incredible little dude. We never forget what a miracle you are and how God has enriched us and blessed us by giving us you. You amaze us every single day and we love you more than words can say.  

*Pictures are from Elijah's birthday party this past Sunday*

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