Friday, November 30, 2012

Beautiful Chaos

When I think of our life with our two boys, two words often repeat in my head: beautiful chaos.
Handsome firstborn
There are the moments where I still cry over what happened to our sweet Elijah; his difficulties evermore present now that I watch what typical development looks like on a daily basis. It's a constant guessing game as to what Elijah is trying to tell us and I grieve for him again and again (especially when he cries inexplicably). Is he hurt? Does he want something? Or even: Did he break a bone that I don't know about? How would I handle all that he does? How could I survive without being able to share my thoughts and feelings (as I am doing right now on this blog)? The laundry piles up on the couch, the dishes lay in the sink, the little guy gets new teeth and army crawls across the floor. Chaos.
Cute second-born
And then there's the times when Elijah throws his body on my shoulder for an armless hug and we embrace for a long time. Or the four of us roll around on the floor as a family and laugh and play. Or we sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" after Elijah asks with the sign I taught him (even though I've had enough of the song for five lifetimes). Or I place our wind-up train on the floor and Elijah runs and laughs his head off as Oliver watches his brother and laughs too (all while I try to teach Elijah the sign for "train"). Or we sit at the dinner table and Elijah doesn't cry and Oliver is just learning to eat and we're therefore all eating together. Beautiful.

This is our life. It's a sometimes difficult one, fraught with grief and constant motion. Chaos.

It's a charmed one, filled with a gal and her three guys. Oh, sweet blessings. Always a boy to snuggle, as busy as they are. Beautiful.
Beautiful Chaos, indeed.


I know it's been awhile again and I thought I should let those who still read this blog know that we're still alive.
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